"Its all about ETIQUETTE !!"Etiquette is a code of behaviour that helps people get on with one another. Many people think of etiquette as a list of rigid rules for the proper dress for a party or such activities as conducting a wedding or setting a table for a formal dinner party. But etiquette covers a much wider range of behaviour. Etiquette means good manners and provides guidelines for all our relationships with others.
Each culture has its own system of etiquette. Behaviour that is proper in one culture may be improper in another. In Japan, for example, people take off their shoes before entering a house. But in most Western countries guests would be considered impolite if they removed their shoes. In some countries, it is impolite for a man to walk ahead of a woman. In others, the woman must always walk behind her husband as a mark of submission to his authority.
Etiquette may also vary considerably within a culture. For instance, people who live in large cities have various customs that differ from those of residents of small towns. In large cities, many people do not know their neighbours and visit even their friends only if invited. In small towns, most people know and often drop in on one another and generally visit new neighbours to welcome them to the community.
How etiquette develops and changes
The origins of etiquette. As prehistoric people began to interact with one another, they learned to behave in ways that made life easier and more pleasant. Any manners that developed had a practical purpose. For example, when two men met they may have extended their right hands and shaken hands to show that they were not carrying weapons. A handshake served as a display of friendship. It is still a gesture of courtesy and friendship, though the practical reason for it has disappeared.
Early civilizations, such as those of ancient Greece and Rome, developed rules for proper social conduct. Much of today's formal etiquette originated in the French royal court during the 1600's and 1700's. The nobles who lived at court drew up a list of proper social behaviour and called it an etiquette. This word came from an old French word meaning ticket. The code of behaviour soon spread to other European courts and eventually was adopted by the upper classes throughout the Western world.
A special form of etiquette called protocol has existed for as long as etiquette itself. Protocol is observed at social functions attended by government officials, military officers, foreign diplomats, and high-level people in business and the professions. Protocol ensures that these men and women receive the respect due to their office or position. For example, it specifies that they be seated at dinner in a particular order according to their rank or status. Protocol also includes rules and usages to be observed in speaking or writing to such people (see ADDRESS, FORMS OF).
Etiquette today is followed by people in all classes of society, not just royalty and the rich. Throughout the 1900's, etiquette has changed frequently in response to social changes and technological developments. Today, etiquette is concerned less with rigid rules governing conduct at formal occasions than with providing general guidelines for courteous, considerate behaviour.
New sets of rules have developed for using such inventions as the car and telephone. These inventions have also changed many old social customs. In many cases, for example, a person uses the telephone to invite guests to a party. In the past, written invitations would have been sent.
The changing roles of men and women in modern society, particularly in the Western world, have greatly affected etiquette. Many traditional rules of etiquette involving relations between men and women were based on sharply contrasting sex roles. Women were assumed to be weak and in need of protection. Men were expected to behave protectively and with special politeness toward women. Today, however, increasing numbers of men and women relate to each other as equals. Social changes have led to more relaxed and natural relations between men and women.
Books on etiquette
The first known guide to courteous behaviour was written by Ptah-hotep, a high government official in ancient Egypt. His work, The Instructions of Ptah-hotep, dates from about 2400 B.C. One of the earliest European etiquette books, A Treatise on Courtesy, was written by an Italian named Tommasino di Circlaria (or Thomasin von Zerclare). It appeared about A.D. 1200. In the early 1500's, an Italian writer named Baldassare Castiglione wrote The Book of the Courtier. This work set forth standards of conduct for people who belonged to the upper classes.
The Earl of Chesterfield, a British political figure, wrote letters to his son to teach him manners and worldly wisdom. Chesterfield's letters, which were published in 1774, introduced the word etiquette into the English language. Many books on etiquette were published in Great Britain and in the United States during the 1800's and 1900's.
Additional Resources
Barkin, Carol and James, Elizabeth. Social Smarts: Manners For Today's Kids. Houghton Mifflin, Boston, Massachusetts, U.S.A., 1996.
Bremner, Moyra. Enquire Within Upon Modern Etiquette and Successful Behaviour for Today. Hutchinson, London, 1992.
Debrett's Etiquette and Modern Manners. Ed. by Elsie Birch Donald, Pan, London, 1982.
Graham, Laurie. Getting it Right: A Survival Guide to Modern Manners. Chatto and Windus, London, 1989.
Post, E. Emily Post's Complete Etiquette: A Guide to Modern Manners. Harper Collins, London, 1992.
Tuttle, Sam. Manners and Moral of Yesterday. Americana Review, Scotia, NY, U.S.A., 1994.
